Dec. 28th, 2011

plinko: (devi)
I guess the last six months have bestowed on me some new perspective on what is, and is not, important to me. It has, perhaps, been the most continuously stressful period in my life since my childhood times. Such times can change a person, or at least change their perspective on the world. I feel this has been one of those times.

I won't go too much into the causes of the stress, which I have posted a bit about on LJ already. Steven became been quite ill and taking care of him, the house, our bills, etc. all by myself was quite difficult. He doesn't drive, so I had to take a lot of time off of work to get him to appointments and such. His work short-term disability insurance company has dicked him around, but our attempts to get the money he is owed by legal means have failed. We've had problems with bill collectors over non-payment of an outstanding medical bill that was never sent to us. I've been having a war with my neighbors about their mistreatment of their dog. Work has been stressful for a myriad of reasons I don't feel like sharing in a public manner. And there have also been a few more private struggles that I will probably detail more at length soon, but can not really reveal right at this moment.

Anyway, even my mother said, "You must be busy right now. I can tell your life is crazy and stressful."

I asked, "Oh? Why do you say that?"

"Because you haven't been on Facebook. At all."

It's true. I feel like I've dropped off the face of the internet. I've had no time to religiously keep up with all of the various social networks. And considering that I LOVE keeping up with social networks, blogs, reddit, etc., you've got to know I just haven't had a moment to spare.

Life, I guess, is changing. After so long in stasis, I think the frozen ground is shooting up green stalks, changing the landscape of my reality. Change is the door to growth, so I plan on prying open some new doors.

I don't think my life will become any less stressful in the upcoming months. But, it will start being stressful for completely different reasons. Positive reasons instead of negative reasons, or so I hope.

So yeah, this is a post just saying nothing much. Except I feel like I am in a whirlwind of stress that even the rather substantial doses of Klonopin I take can't alleviate it all. I fall into bed exhausted each night, just mentally exhausted from dealing with heaps of ludicrous shit.

I had a nice Christmas, though. Steven gave me a lovely rare book of veves. (This was hard to explain to my parents. But, I eventually just said, "It's, you know, one of those weird kinds of books I like," and that seemed to clear it up. Phil gave me a whole BAG of new weird books, plus some xbox360 games, some DVDs, and a renewal of my subscription to Mental Floss. Mom bought me a camera, a whole bag of different lip-glosses and chapsticks, and a wonderful black sweater. My new t-shirts say:

"I avoid cliches like the plague."
"How do I block you in real life?" (In a facebooky type of font/bubble.)
"Occupation: Mad Scientist".
"Current Project:" And then it has a little picture of a voodoo doll.

I've lost a little weight just from the sheer inability to always have time to stop and eat, but probably because my life has been made of GO for the past couple of months. I've dyed over my purple hair with black, but I used some crap from Feria rather than the usual stuff, so you can still see the purple in the sunlight.

I've already read two of the books Phil gave me. They were both quick-reads and gobbled up in one night of bedtime-reading each. The first is Gloom Cookie, a graphic novel about goths spun into a sort of fairy tale. It was...okay. A bit too superficial for my taste. The underlying story was good, but just wasn't properly developed. The characters, too, needed something. It was like someone took a really good set of graphic novels and clipped out all the detail so it would fit into one volume. You still "get" the story, but it seems oddly-edited and superficial.

I also read, Zombie Haiku: Good Poetry For Your Brains. If you get a chance, and want a light-read that you can finish in an hour or so, pick up Zombie Haiku. It's funny, and shocking, and paced perfectly. The entire story is told by a series of haiku-formatted snippets from a zombie's point of view, or by the scribbles of one of the last survivors, who is trapped inside a bathroom stall.

I've also been listening to a lecture series about Ancient Egypt whenever I get a few spare minutes. It's done by the same people who did the one on Ancient Rome that I liked so much, though the lecturer is a different professor. I'm up to the middle Ptolemies now. Good stuff.

I'd like to say, "I'm still playing Rift," but I never manage enough time to actually play for more than ten or fifteen minutes, so that would be a lie.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great holiday. Hugs to all.

January 2012

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